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29 
C909 

Copy 1 




THE LINE FENCE 



COMEDY IN FIVE ACTS 



BY 



LEROY CUM MINGS 




Class J2$UlJL5-__ 
%rightN° 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT 



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_ 



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THE LINE FENCE 



COMEDY IN FIVE ACTS 



BY 






LEROY CUMMINGS 



f h \ 



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V9 



THE LIBRARY OF 


CONGRESS, 


Two Copies 


Received 


JUN 5 


1903 


(\ Copyright 


Entry 


JftAAsUbj^ 


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CUSS £" 


XXc. No 


COFV 


3 



TMP92-008999 



THE LINE FENCE 



Cast of Characters. 



Hiram Peabody 
Daniel Peabody 
Gilbert Fenmore 
Robert Lamont 

Albert Lester 
Rudolph W a Id on 
John Rinton 
Peter Armstrong 
Timothy Casey 
Samuel Applebee 
Henry Astor 
William Jones 
Parson Pilkins 
Mike Dolan 
Sambo 



A Yankee farmer 
Son of Hiram Peabody 
A Virginian planter 
An English adventurer and criminal 

whose real name is Lorenzo Douglass 

A demented avenger 

A general in the Confederate army 

A Confederate conscripting officer 

A confederate commissary 

An Irish youth, recently arrived in America 

Chairman of the fence-viewers' committee 

A land surveyor 

The surveyor's chainman 

A clergyman 

A military substitute 

Robert Lamont's colored valet 



Plannah Peabody 
Sarah Fenmore 
Nellie Fenmore 
Isabel Lamont 
Maggie Flynn 



Wife of Hiram Peabody 

Wife of Gilbert Fenmore 

Daughter of Gilbert Fenmore 

Wife of Robert Lamont 

Gilbert Fenmore's American -born 

Irish servant girl 
Isabel Lamont's maid 



Stella Andrews - 

Union soldiers and Confederate soldiers 



Scene: Richmond, Virginia, and vicinity 
months of the Civil War. 



Time: the closing 



Note:— In the stage directions, •right" and 'left - ' are to be considered from the 
standpoint of the auditorium. The action of the play allows, if necessary, 
one impersonator to assume a double role in the following instances: 



i Gilbert Fenmore 
/Rudolph Waldon 



\ Robert Lamont * Peter Armstrong yMike Dolan 

^Samuel Applebee /John Rinton /William Jones 



\ Sambo 
/Henry Astor 



\ Sarah Fenmore 
[Isabel Lamont 



\ Maggie Flynn 
/Stella Andrews 



PREFACE TO SYNOPSIS. 



Thinking to better his condition, Hiram Peabody, a Yankee 
resident of Skowhegan, Maine, purchased a plantation near 
Richmond, Virginia, and removed to that region with his wife 
and son. Soon after they had settled in Virginia, the Civil War 
broke out. The troubles of the Peabody family with the 
Fenmore family, their secessionist neighbors, and the final rec- 
onciliation of the two families by the marriage of Daniel Pea- 
body and Nellie Fenmore form the leading theme of the plot, 
through which runs the vigorous experiences of Hiram Peabody 
with the soldiers of the Confederacy. 

Interwoven with the leading theme of the plot is the develop- 
ment and collapse of a conspiracy to establish an empire on the 
ruins of the Confederate cause, the principal conspirator being 
Lorenzo Douglass, alias Robert Lamont, aided by his alleged 
wife, Isabel Lamont. This conspirator was an English adven- 
turer and criminal who was pursued and finally killed by an 
avenger whom he had wronged. 

SYNOPSIS OF LEADING EVENTS. 
ACT I 

Scene 1. — Some of Hiram Peabody's troubles made known. 
Daniel Peabody arrives home. Timothy Casey escapes a draft 
into the Confederate army, but gets the mitten from Maggie 
Flynn because of a "misfortunate" remark. Nellie Fenmore 
explains to Daniel Peabody that she cannot marry him because 
of her father's strong partisanship for the South. Robert 
Lamont and Sambo call at the Peabody homestead to inquire 
the way to Richmond. Timothy Casey and Maggie Flynn be- 
come reconciled. A Confederate commissary calls at the Pea- 
body homestead to purchase provisions. Hiram Peabody sells 
some "mighty fine pertetters," but objects to the idea of taking 
"shinplasters" in payment. A shotgun is displayed as an argu- 
ment against any "shenanigan business." Timothy Casey gets 
into trouble with the commissary. 

Scene 2. — Hiram Peabody's exciting experience with Albert 
Lester, who secures a cold lunch, tells of his wrongs, and dis- 
plays a dagger. Hiram Peabody orders the wanderer away. 
"1 dunno whether that buttermilk went to his head, or what 
'twas." The fence- viewer and surveyor arrive to decide where 
the line fence shall be placed between the Peabody and Fen- 
more estates. Timothy Casey gets into trouble again and is 
lined for "contimpt av coort," but is rescued from the difficulty 
by the generosity of Maggie Flynn. Some unfriendly w r ords are 
passed between the elder members of the Peabody and Fenmore 
families. The appearance of Parson Pilkins does not improve 
the situation. Hannah Peabody uses her broom. 



ACT II 

Scene 1. — The conspiracy at Richmond. An empire to be estab- 
lished. Albert Lester, the demented avenger, confronts Robert 
Lamont. 

Scene 2. — A conscription at the Peabody homestead. Hiram 
Peabody's neck in a noose. (Gilbert Fenmore to the rescue. Daniel 
Peabody and Timothy Casey impressed into the Confederate army. 

ACT III 

Scene 1. — Sambo is commissioned to kill Albert Lester. Robert 
Lamont dons a metallic shield for greater safety against his foe. 
The avenger's 'J agger strikes but fails to pierce the shield. 

Scene 2. — Albert Lester sleeps in the street. Sambo secures 
required documents from Albert Lester's pocket, but permits the 
avenger to escape. Robert Lamont is thrown off his guard by 
Sambo's false statements. Hiram Peabody goes marketing with a 
wheelbarrow and talks business with the Confederate commissary. 
Later he is apprehended and searched under suspicion of being a 
Federal spy. Gilbert Fenmore again to the rescue. Friendly rela- 
tions established between the estranged neighbors. 

ACT IV 

Scene 1. — Daniel Peabody and Nellie Fenmore meet on the street 
at Richmond, he as a Confederate soldier and she as a member of 
the Red Cross Society. The parting of Robert Lamont and Isabel 
Lamont. He seeks to escape disguised as a priest. Sounds of a 
battle in the distance. General Waldon borne in on a litter. 
Isahel Lamont under arrest. The vial of poison. Daniel Peabody 
as a cannoneer. 

# Scene 2. — Night at the Peabody homestead. Robert Lamont 
seeks lodgings of Hiram Peabody. "This aint no tavern." The 
avenger appears once m-ore. 

ACT V 

Scene 1. — Retreat of the Confederates. Hiram Peabody takes 
a hand in the scrimmage. Timothy Casey in full retreat. "Betther 
be a live thraitor thin a dead pathriot." Daniel Peabody spikes 
a cannon and secures the friendship of Gilbert Fenmore. 

Scene 2. — Daniel Peabody and Nellie Fenmore happily married. 
Likewise Timothy Casey and Maggie Flynn. Hiram Peabody and 
Hannah Peabody decide to visit their old home at Skowhegan, 
Maine. Hiram Peabody encounters difficulties in making his 
toilet. Trouble also arises in packing the trunk. Hiram gets a 
piece of wedding-cake. "That's toler'ble good gingerbread, Tim, 
but when it comes right down to reg'lar feed, I'd ruther hev my 
pumpkin-pie." Friends arrive to say good-by. "Say, Dan, don't 
feed them cows too much medder-hay while I'm gone; it's mighty 
apt to give 'em colic." "All aboard for Skowhegan!" 



THE LINE FENCE 



ACT I 



Sceue 1. — The rural suburbs of Richmond, Virginia. In the 
foreground at the right is seen the rear porch of Hiram Peabody's 
house. In the background at the right is seen the rear entrance to 
Gilbert Fenmore's residence. At the central right, between the 
two houses, is a vacant space used for entry and exit. In the cen- 
tral foreground is the yard behind Hiram Peabody's house, in 
which stands an old-fashioned well, operated by a windlass in a 
wooden curb. In the foreground at the extreme left is a rustic 
summer-house containing a settee. Behind this structure entry 
and exit are made at the left. In the central and left background 
extends an open field bounded by distant woodlands. Between 
the corner of the porch of Hiram Peabody's dwelling and the 
summer-house extends a clothes-line supporting household articles 
hung out to dry. Time, early evening. 



Enter at the right from the porch doorway of the Peahody house 
Hannah Peahody with a basket. Taking the clothes from the line 
she puts them in the basket and returns into the porch. Enter 
from the left Hiram Peabody in his shirt sleeves with a battered 
straw hat on his head and with patched trousers tucked into the tops 
of cowhide boots. As he passes, the axe on his shoulder catches on 
the clothes-line and causes him to stumble. Enter Hannah Peabody 
from the porch. 

Hiram Peabody. — Thunder an' lightnin,' Hannah, you ought to 
be more keerful! 

Hannah Peabody. — Why, what's the matter, Hiram? 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, I should say what's the matter! I come 
mighty nigh breakin' my neck on that pesky clo'es-line. 

Hannah Peabody. — It's queer, Hiram, that you can't see any- 
thing till you run into it. 

Hiram Peabody. — Nothin 1 queer about it. I aint no owl to see 
in sich a light as this with my specs off. If you aint more keerful 
'bout leavin' that line up, you'll be a blushin' widder the fust 
thing you know 

Hannah Peabody. — ( Taking down the line) It does beat every- 
thing, Hiram, how fractious you are lately! 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, it's enough to make anybody fractious 
the way things is agoin' with them secesh raiders stealin' every- 
thing in sight. I dunno any way to save them dorkin 1 pullets 
unless I go to roost with 'em, an' I cal'late we'll lose the cows if 
we don't ta 1 e 'em into the front room. 

Hannah Peadody. — Did you see the fence-viewers and surveyor 
to-day? 

Hiram Peabody. — That's jest what I did. They're comin' to- 
morrer to run out that line fence, an' Tim Casey is goin' to help 



me build it. I tell you what, Hannah, that line fence is goin' to 
cost like thunder, but I aint goin' to hev Fenmore's blamed cattle 
trampoosin' over these premises any more, if it takes my last red 
cent out of the Skowhegan bank. (Enter Gilbert Fenmore at the 
right, disappearing within the rear entrance of his residence) There 
goes the old rhinoceros now! That feller has n't so much con- 
science as a b'iled cabbage! They're lynchin' better men than him 
every day! 

Hannah Pea body.— Hush! he'll hear you, Hiram. 

Hiram Peabody. — I don't keer if he does; my dander 's up. 

Hannah Peabody. — I'm more worried about Dan than any- 
thing else. I'm afraid he may take the notion to come down here 
before the war is over. 

Hiram Peabody. — That would be mighty risky, the way them 
bushwhackers are runnin' trains off the track lately. 

Hannah Peabody. — Every letter I write to Dan I tell him to 
stay right there in Bowdoin College till the war is ended. 

Hiram Peabody. — It was an everlastin' mistake when we come 
down into this outlandish kentry. Sense the war busted out we 
aint sure of nothim to eat but wind-pudd'n. I've been offerin' to 
sell this consarned plantation for less 'n half price, but nobody is 
buyin 1 land now-a-days, they jest steal what 's layin' 'round loose 
an' let it go at that. I dunno how we'd git along if we hadn't 
some income up North. When I run into that land-shark that 
played gammon on us, I'll make him look like a tubful of apple-sass. 

Hannah Peabody. — Isn't it about time to milk the cows? 

Hiram Peabody. — I should jedge it was. Gimme the pail. Say, 
Hannah, you jest ought to see the muskeeters down in the medder. 
They're most as big as hummin 1 -birds, an' they make a noise like a 
church choir From the way they tackled me an' kivered my head 
with nubbles, I reckon they'd drill into a w 7 ooden leg after sundown. 

With the clothes-line coiled upon her arm, Hannah Peabody enters 
the porch door at the right. Returning, she hands Hiram Peabody 
a tin pail, and then disappears again within the porch. Leaning 
his (vxe against the porch wall, Hiram Peabody crosses the yard to 
the left. Enter Daniel Peabody at the left, carrying a valise. 

Daniel Peabody. — Hello, pa, here I am! 

Hiram Peabody. — ( Dropping the tin pail in astonishment and 
shaking his sorts hand with hearty energy) Thunderation! How 
did you pit here, Dan? Woll, woll, woll, Fm tickled all to splinters 
to see you! 

Daniel Peabody. — How is mother? 

Hiram Peabody. — Oh, she 's all right. 

Daniel Peabody.— And Nellie? 

Hiram Peabody. — Jest as nice and purty as ever. But I'll tell 
you what 'tis, Dan, I had to set down on her father darned hard 
lately. He 's a reg'lar old rhinoceros, that 's what he is. 



3 

Daniel Peabody. — Maybe I can fix matters up. 

Hiram Peabody. — No you can't. I've stood all o' Fenmore's 
foolin' I'm goin' to. When I git my back up, it's up. 

Daniel Peabody. — The old place looks just about as it did three 
years ago when I went away to college. 

Hiram Peabody. — It would look a pesky sight better, if it want 
for the blasted jayhawkers stealin' everything in sight. I wish to 
thunder, Dan, I was back up North. 

Daniel Peabody. — Everybody sent their regards, and they all 
hope that you and mother will come back to Skowhegan. 

Hiram Peabody. — If I ever git out o' this scrape, you can bet 
your flapjacks I'll go back. 

Daniel Peabody. — Here comes mother. Tell her I'm a book 
agent for fun. (Enter Hannah Peabody from the porch at the right) 

Hiram Peabody. — Here's a book agent, Hannah. Don't you 
want to buy a hist'ry of Jerusalem? 

Hannah Peabody. — Don't be foolish, Hiram; I can't buy any- 
thing. 

Hiram Peabody.— You better git acquainted with this book 
agent, Hannah; he's jest gradooated from college. 

Hannah Peabody. — Why, it's Danny! (Osculations ) How you 
have changed in three years! Come right in, my dear boy, and 
have a cup of hot tea. 

Hiram Peabody. — Lemme take your luggage, Dan; you must 
be kind o' fagged out. 

Hannah Peabody. — Do tell us, Danny, how you got through 
the rebel lines. 

Hiram Peabody. — Your mother 's had conniption fits, Dan, for 
fear you'd be gobbled by them bushwhackers. 

Daniel Peabody. — I did have some narrow escapes; I'll tell you 
about them later. 

Hiram Peabody. — (Aside) Dan 's foxy, you bet! He 's a chip 
o 1 the old block, a reg'lar chip o' the old block. 

Exeunt omnes within the porch door at the right, Hiram Peabody 
carrying the valise and tin pail. Enter from the left Timothy Casey 
and Maggie Flynn. 

Maggie Flynn. — What s the matter, Tim; do tell me? 

Timothy Casey. — 01 wisht 01 could expriss mesilf in bet t her 
English, Maggie. 

Maggie Flynn. — Oh, never mind that, Tim; you can do better 
after a while. 

Timothy Casey. — 01 don't loike to mintion it, Maggie, but Ol'm 
in the suds up to me chin. 

Maggie Flynn. — Why, what has happened, Tim? 

Timothy Casey. — Well, you see, Maggie, it's rpot hog or die; 
Ol'm dhrafted into the ribil army. 



Maggie Flynn. — Oh, Tim, I hope you won't get killed. 

Timothy Casey. — (Sighing heavily ) OI've a presint'mint, Maggie, 
that OI'll niver come back alive, for it's bad luck, Maggie, to hear 
the banshees, d'ye moind. 

Maggie Flynn. — You heard an owl, Tim, that was all. 

Timothy Casey. — Well, Maggie, it's good-by afther to-night. 

Maggie Flynn. — Don't talk like that, Tim. You will come back 
after a time as General Tim Casey with a sword. 

Timothy Casey. — Not at all at all, Maggie, wid death stharin' 
me in the face. 

Maggie Fljmn. — Do you feel afraid, Tim? 

Timothy Casey. — Not be a jugful! It's the presint'mint that 
throubles me, Maggie. Sure, Ol'm in the divil's own luck! Afther 
fixin' up the cabin in foine shape for yez, Maggie, Ol'm knocked 
to smithereens entoirely. Faith, Maggie, it looks more loike a 
wake thin a widdin" forenenst us. 

Maggie Flynn. — Can't you escape the war somehow, Tim? 

Timothy Casey. — (Brightening ) Indade, Maggie, would yez have 
me do it? 

Maggie Flynn. — To be sure, Tim. 

Timothy Casey. — OI'll till yez how it can be done, Maggie. 

Maggie Flynn. — How, Tim? 

Timothy Casey. — Be hirin' a substitute. Mike Dolan says he'll 
take me place for an aven fifty dollars an' bury himsilf if a bullet 
sthrikes him. 

Maggie Flynn. — Then why not hire him? 

Timothy Casey. — (Taking money from his pocket and counting it) 
The throuble is, Maggie, 01 have n't but siven dollars. 

Maggie Flynn. — (Producing her purse) Here is the rest, Tim. 

Timothy Casey. — (Joyfully) That's a darlint! Ah, Maggie, 
the Lakes av Killarney niver saw the loikes of ye! (Discovering 
Mike Dolan approaching from, the left) Phwist! here comes me 
frind Dolan. Come back into the arbor, Maggie, an' OI'll sittle 
that substitute business wid Mike right now. 

As Timothy Casey and Maggie Flynn retreat into the summer- 
house, Daniel Peabody, Hiram Peabody and Hannah Peabody enter 
from the porch doorway at the right. 

Hiram Peabody. — As I said afore, Dan, Nellie Fenmore is all 
right, but her father is a feller to fight shy of. Talk about mean 
men! why, Fenmore 's a. reg'lar old rhinoceros, that's what he is! 
If he don't pay for half o' that line fence atween us, I'll sue him, 
so help me blazes! 

Daniel Peabody. — All right, pa, I'll see what can be done about 
it. I'll be back soon. 

Exit Daniel Peabody to the right towards the Fenmore residence. 



Hannah Peabody. — I hope Dan will get in a row with the Fen- 
mores. I don't want Nell Fenmore to marry into our family. 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, I dunno, Nell 's a purty good girl, as 
girls go. (Gazing around overhead) Jedging from the sky, I guess 
it'll be fair to middlin' weather to-morrer. 

Exeunt Hiram Peabody and Hannah Peabody within the porch at 
the right. Enter Mike Dolan at the left, meeting Timothy Casey out- 
side the summer-house, while Maggie Flynn occupies the settee within 
the structure. 

Mike Dolan. — (Producing a flask) Have a dhrink, Tim? 

Timothy Casey. — (Motioning toward the summer-house ) Phwist, 
Mike, me girl 's in there! 

Mike Dolan. — ( Returning the flask to his pocket) How about 
the substitute business, Tim? 

Timothy Casey. — It's all sittled, Mike. Here's your fifty. 
(Hands over money) Ye 're a lucky lad, Mike, to go where glory 
waits ye. Always whin it rains porridge, it's me skillet that's 
botthom up. 

Mike Dolan. — If it's the war ye want to jine, Tim, why the owld 
Nick did n't yez go? Is it afeared ye be? 

Timothy Casey. — Not be a long shot! It's this way, Mike, if a 
sthray bullet sthrikes me, me girl will die an owld maid. OI"m 
her first an' last chance, Mike. 

Maggie Flynn. — (Indignantly confronting Timothy Casey) An 
old maid, indeed! I can get a better man than you, Tim Casey, 
any day in the y ear! (Takes a ring from her flngex and throws it 
at Timothy Casey) Take your old engagement ring! {Exit Mike 
Dolan in haste to the left) I'm done with you, Tim Casey! (Exit 
Maggie Flynn to the left) 

Timothy Casey. — (Picking up the ring) Glory be! Faith, OI'm 
in a fix now! Sure, 01 didn't think she'd hear. {Calling) Maggie, 
ob, Maggie! 

Exit Timothy Casey to the left in pursuit of Maggie Flynn. Enter 
at the right from the direction of the Fenmore residence Daniel Pea- 
body and Nellie Fenmore, who seat themselves on the settee in the 
summer-house. 

Nellie Fenmore. — I do hope this terrible war will end soon. 

Daniel Peabody. — I think the end is near. The Federal troops 
are closing in upon Richmond. I could not remain at a distance 
while you were exposed to danger here. 

Nellie Fenmore. — 1 can never repay your kindness. 

Daniel Peabody. — Yes you can, Nellie. 

Nellie Fenmore. — How? 

Daniel Peabody. — By marrying me. 

Nellie Fenmore. — That is impossible, Dan. 



6 

Daniel Peabody. — Why impassible, Nell? Do you prefer some 
one else? 

Nellie Fenmore. — No, Dan, it isn't that. 

Daniel Peabody. — Is it because our parents have quarreled? 

Nellie Fenmore. — Not exactly. 

Daniel Peabody. — Is it because my father is a Yankee? 

Nellie Fenmore — Not exactly that, either. 

Daniel Peabody. — Then I give up guessing. 

Nellie Fenmore. — Well I'll tell you. You know papa is a very 
strong partisan of the South. 

Daniel Peabody. — Yes, I know it. 

Nellie Fenmore. — Well, papa says he will never consent for me 
to marry any man who has not worn the Confederate uniform and 
seen service under the flag of the South. 

Daniel Peabody. — Ah, I see. (Meditatively) Well, that is a 
difficulty, sure enough. 

Sarah Fenmore. — ( Calling from the rear entrance of the Fenmore 
residence, at the remote' right, and then disappearing within the 
house) Nellie, Nellie, come here! 

Nellie Fenmore. — There! Mamma is calling; I must go back. 

Exeunt Daniel Peabody and Nellie Fenmore to the right in the 
direction of the Fenmore residence. Enter at the right Robert Lamont 
accompanied by Sambo. 

Robert Lamont. — Now knock, you black imp! 

Sambo. — (Knocking at the porch door of Hiram Peabody's house ) 
JDis nigger neber done get los' like dis befo', sah, dat am sure. 
Hiram Peabody opens the porch door and steps outside. 

Robert Lamont. — My good man, is there a road leading directly 
into Richmond from here? 

Hiram Peabody. — Yas. If you'll come to the corner of the 
house, I'll p'int it out. 

Robert Lamont. — My uigger has lost his bearings this time. 

Hiram Peabody. — Show! Woll, you see that light over yender? 
(Pointing into the distance at the rigid) Keep jest to the left of it 
till you strike the main turnpike. You can't miss it. 

Robert Lamont. — Thank you. 

Hiram Peabody. — Don't mention it. 

Robert Lamont, (Striking Sambo with hi* cane) Now mosey! 

Exeunt Robert Lamont and Sambo to right. Exit Hi ram Peabody 
within the parch. Enter Timothy Casey and Maggie Eli/nn at left. 

Timothy Casey. You sec, Maggie, it was this way. Me fri'nd 
Dolan said ()I was too scared to jinc the army, an' to pretict me 
honor ()l exprissed mesilf misfortunate. 

Maggie BTynn. You did n't tell the truth, Tim. 



Timothy Casey. — 01 confiss it, but lit me aff aisy this toime, 
Maggie, an' 01 swear be the shamrock niver to do the loikes again. 

Maggie Flyrin. — I'll forgive you this once. 

Timothy Casey. - That's a darlint! OT didn't mane a wqrrd 
OI said to Dolan. Lit me put this ring back on your ringer again, 
Maggie. You bet your swate loife, OT niver show the white fither! 

As Timothy Casey and Maggie Flynn retreat into the summer- 
house and engage in silent lore-Dialing on the settee, enter at the 
right Peter Armstrong and several Confederate soldiers armed with 
rifles. Peter Armstrong knocks on the porch door of the Peabody 
house with the butt of his rifle. 

Hiram Peabody. — (Opening the door and stepping outside) Who 
be you anyhow, tryin' to knock my door off the hinges like that? 

Peter Armstrong. — I'm the Confederate commissary. 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, what in thunderation do you want? 

Peter Armstrong. — Have you any vegetables to sell? 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, I dunno. Lemme see. Maybe I might 
spare some per tetters. 

Peter Armstrong. — What do you charge a bushel for them? 

Hiram Peabody. — That 's all accordin' to what kind of money 
you pay. I don t want no more shinplasters. Which ever side gits 
licked in this tussle their spondulix will be bogus. I'll let them 
pertetters go for two dollars a bushel, but it's hard cash on the spot. 

Peter Armstrong. — All right, old man, Pll pay in coin. Fetch 
out your potatoes. 

Hiram Peabody. — I'll be right back soon 's \ git my oP coat on. 
(Exit Hi ram Peabody within the pore}), returning with a sack of 
potatoes on his back and a shotgun in his hand) Them 's mighty 
tine pertetters, gents; reg'lar oP murphies. 

Peter Armstrong — What 's that gun for? 

Hiram Peabody. — The last fellers that bought truck here driv 
off an' did n't pay. 

Peter Armstrong. — Don't worry, you'll get your pay this time. 

Hiram Peabody. — No more shenanigan business goes 'round 
here. Somethin' will happen to the next feller that tries to scoot. 
It'- pay down, or bang goes the buckshot. Where 's your cart? 

Peter Armstrong. — Behind the garden — this way. 

As Peter Armstrong and his companions cross the yard to the Jeff, 
followed by Hi ram Peabody with the sack of potatoes on his back and 
the shotgun in his hand, Timothy Casey accosts Peter Armstrong 
from the entrance of the summer-house. 

Timothy Casey. — 01 say, Misther, have yez seen Mike Dolan? 

Peter Armstrong. — Who is Mike Dolan? 

Timothy Casey. — He's the substitute for me in the rihil army— 
01 mane the Confederate army. If he cliates me, there'll be a wake 
in the Dolan family. 



Peter Armstrong. — Hang it! don't bother me; go to the recruit- 
ing officer. I am the commissary. 

Timothy Casey. — Phwhnt is the commissary? 

Peter Armstrong. — He 's the grub hustler for the army, you 
muttonhead! (Exeunt to to the left Peter Armstrong, followed by 
his companions and Hiram Peabody) 

Timothy Casey. — Quick, quick, Maggie, hilp aff me coat! OI'll 
lambaste the villain that calls me a muttonhead! 

While Timothy Casey is trying to pull off his coat and Maggie 
Flynn is hindering him from doing so, the curtain falls. 



Scene 2. — The same stage setting as in the preceding scene, with 
the suspended clothes-line omitted. Time, the morning following 
the last scene. 

As the curtain rises, Hiram Peabody, with spectacles on, is seen 
filing a hand-saw, the well-curb serxing as a support for the saiv. 

Hiram Peabody. — (In soliloquy) I sartinly can't sharpen a saw 
with sich a pesky file as that! I wonder who that feller is comin' 
in here? Looks like a tramp. 

Enter at the right Albert Lester clad in threadbare attire. 

Albert Lester. — Can you give me something to eat, sir? 

Hiram Peabody. — W.oll, yas, I guess so, if you aint too finikin 
'bout your feed. You'll hev to take pot-luck here. Ken you stan' 
plain grub sich as I eat? 

Albert Lester. — Auything, anything. 

Hiram Peabody. — All right; I'll see what Hannah ken hustle 
up. (Going to the porch door at the right) Hannah! Hannah! 

Hannah Peabody. — (Appearing at the porch door) What is it, 
Hiram? 

Hiram Peabody. — Ken you give this pilgrim somethin' to eat? 

Hannah Peabody. — Certainly. (To Albert Lester) Come in. 

Albert Lester — Pardon, lady; my head is terrible hot; (remov- 
ing his hat) let me stay in the open air. 

Hannah Peabody. — Just as you like. Hiram, bring out the 
little table and a chair. 

/hitting the file into his pocket and leaning the handsaw against 
the porch mall, Hiram Peabody brings out from the house a chair 
and a table. After placing a lunch on the table, Hannah Peabody 
returns into the porch. 

Hiram Peabody. (To Albert Lester) Set down an' make yourself 
to home. You better try some o' that buttermilk in the pitcher: 
it goes to the right spot on an empty stummick. Want anything 
else? 

Albert Lester. No, thank you, here is enough, 
Hiram Peabody. You don't hev to take bitters to git up an 
appetite, 1 reckon. (A pause) Travelin 1 far? 



9 

Albert Lester. — Yes. 

Hiram Peabody. — Where from? 

Albert Lester. — England. 

Hiram Peabody. — Where do you fetch up? 

Albert Lester. — I don't know. 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, that's kind o' funny. You've been in 
hard sleddin', I should say. 

Albert Lester. — Yes, I've suffered much. 

Hiram Peabody. — You can't tell me nothin' 'bout rheumatiz, if 
that's what's the matter. I've had it the wust kind. 

Albert Lester. — (Suddenly rising to his feet) I must go; I'll find 
him soon. 

Hiram Peabody. — Tr}nn' to find somebody? 

Albert Lester. — Yes; Lorenzo Douglass. 

Hiram Peabody. — Don't think I ever heerd that name afore. 

Albert Lester. — He 's somewhere near; I'll find him yet. 

Hiram Peabody. — What sort of a lookin' feller is he? 

Albert Lester. — ( Taking a daguerreotype from his pocket and 
handing it to Hiram Peabody) Look at him! He brought me to 
all this misery! 

Hiram Peabody. — Why did n't you put on the law an' jug him? 

Albert Lester. — (Excitedly ) I am the law! I am the avenger! 
(Pressing his hand to his head) Oh, my head, my head! 

Hiram Peabody. — (Returning the daguerreotype to Albert Lester) 
Sartinly, I've seen that feller. 

Albert Lester. — (Thrusting the likeness into his pocket and eagerly 
clutching Hiram Peabody by the arm) Where? 

Hiram Peabody. — Right here. 

Albert Lester.-- When? 

Hiram Peabody. — Last night. He missed his way to town. 

Albert Lester. — Which way? 

Hiram Peabody. — (Pointing to the right) He went that way. 

Albert Lester. — He shall not escape! (Draws a dagger from be- 
neath his coat) This will reach the heart that nothing else can 
touch! 

Hiram Peabody. — {Sidling away to secure the hand-saw that 
leans against the porch wall) Hi, hi, there! Stan' off! stan' off! 

Albert Lester. — I will not harm you; you've been kind to me. 

Hiram Peabody. — (Brandishing the saw) I sha'n't risk it. Git 
out o' here! This aint no place for scalpin'-knives! Git out o' here, 
1 say! 

Exit Albert Lester to the right, concealing his weapon under his 
coat as he retreats. Enter Daniel Peabody and Hannah Peabody 
from the porch doorway. Daniel Peabody hurries to the comer of the 
house to watch the departing visitor. 



10 

Hannah Peabody. — What was the trouble, Hiram? 

Hiram Peabody. — Say, Hannah, you better take them dishes 
in. That feller is as crazy as a coot. I dunno whether that butter- 
milk went to his head, or what 'twas. 

As Hannah Peabody carries the dishes, table and chair back 
into the porch, Timothy Casey enters at the right with a spade on 
his shoulder. 

Hiram Peabody. — (To Timothy Casey) Did you see that feller 
that jest left here? 

Timothy Casey. — Sure, 01 did. 01 says to him, says 01, the tap 
of the morniiv to yez, says 01, an' the dumb loon niver said boo. 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, he ought to be chucked into a lunatic 
asylum. He 's jest crazy enough to hurt somebody. 

Timothy Casey. — Indade! Sure, if he comes back, OI'll crack 
his head wid me spade. (Tales a clay pipe from his vest pocket) 
Will ye be afther littin' me have a pinch av terbacky, Misther 
Pay body ? 

Hiram Peabody. — (Supplying Timothy Casey with some tobacco) 
Guess I'll smoke too; sich a powwow kind o' upsets my narves. 

Enter at the right Samuel Applebee, Henry Astor and William 
Jones. Henry Astor carries a transit-compass on a tripod and 
William Jones a surveyor's chain. 

Samuel Applebee. — We are ready for business, Mr. Peabody. 

Hiram Peabody. — So 'm I. Go ahead. 

Daniel Peabody. — (Laying his hand on Hiram Peabody's shoulder) 
You'll not quarrel with Mr. Fenmore to-day, will you, pa? 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, that depends on him. I sha'n't take 
no back talk. I'll build that fence or bu'st. I know what I'm up 
to. I'm too old to take vermifuge. 

Henry Astor. — (Examining the ground ) Here is an old stake to 
start from. 

As Samuel Applebee assists Henry Astor to place the legs of the 
tripod in position, Timothy Casey crowds up closely behind Samuel 
Applebee to observe operation*. 

Samuel Applebee. — There you are Mr. Astor. (Stepping briskly 
backward lie treads on Timothy Casey's foot) I beg your pardon, sir. 

Timothy Casey. — {Dropping his spade and taking his foot in 
both hands) Ouch! my fut, my fut! 01 know the thricks of ye! 

Samuel Applebee. — I protest, sir, it was an accident. 

Timothy Casey. — Tell it to tbe marines! Ouch! my fut! OI'll 
be aven wid yez for that thrick! 

Samuel Applebee. ---I am an officer of the law. Consider yourself 
under arrest for that threat. 

Henry Astor. Young man, you're in serious trouble. There is a 
heavy penalty for threatening an officer. 

Timothy Casey. 01 didn't know he was an afficer. 



11 

Henry Astor. — That wont help your case any. 

Timothy Casey. — (Doffing his cap and humbly addressing Samuel 
Ap-plebee) Phwhat is the pinalty, yer honor? 

Samuel Applebee. — Have you any designs on my life? 

Timothy Casey. — Niver a design, yer honor. 

Samuel Applebee. — Then I will have to fine you ten dollars for 
contempt of court. 

Timothy Casey. — OI'll raise the wind in a minute, yer honor. 

Samuel Applebee. — Very well. 

Timothy Casey. — (Calling in the direction of the Fenmore resi- 
dence) Maggie, oh, Maggie! 

Maggie Flynn. — (Appearing at the rear entrance of the Fenmore 
residence at the remote right) What do you want, Tim? 

Timothy Casey. — Come over here, Maggie. 

Maggie Flynn. — I can't leave the stove; the noodles will burn. 

Timothy Casey. — But ye must come, Maggie; OI'm arristed. 

Maggie Flynn. — You are what? 

Timothy Casey. — Arristed! 

Maggie Flynn. — I don't understand. 

Timothy Casey.— For hiven sake, Maggie, come over. 

Maggie Flynn. — Let me get my hat. 

Exit Maggie Flynn within the Fenmore dwelling. Timothy Case// 
J imps to a seat on the door-sill of the Peabody porch. 

Henry Astor. — ( To William Jones) Now, Hilly, set your stakes. 

William Jones. — All right, sir. (Exit to the left) 

Hiram Peabody. — (To Henry Astor) Any objections to me 
squint in' through that machine? 

Henry Astor. — Not in the least; go ahead. 

After wiping his spectacles Hiram Peabody peers into the telescopt 
of the transit-compass. 

Hiram Peabody. — I dunno how you ken find out anything by 
sich a contraption as that. I can't see nothin 1 in it. 

Sighting through the transit -compass, Henry Astor signals with 
motions of his hand to William Jones in the distance at the left, tin 
others watching the proceedings. Enter Maggie Flynn at the right . 

Maggie Flynn. — What has happened, Tim? 

Timothy Casey. — OI've put my fut in it, Maggie: OTm arristed. 

Maggie Flynn.— Arrested? What for'? 

Timothy Casey.- For eontimpt av coort. 

Maggie Flynn.— Why, what is that? 

Timothy Casey. — 01 don't know, Maggie, but it costs tin dollars. 
It was this way. {Indicating Samuel Applebee witJi a jerk of his 
thumb) That owld mud-turtle over there stipped on my fut. 

Maggie Flynn. — But you couldn't be arrested for that, Tim. 



12 

Timothy Casey. — Sure not. The throuble was, whin he stipped 
on me fut, 01 didn't recognize his character as an afficer, till he 
arristed me for the backhanded blarney av me remarks. 

Maggie Flynn. — But what can I do about it, Tim? 

Timothy Casey. — Could yez lind me tin dollars, Maggie, to pay 
me foine? 0I 1 m in the divil's own luck av late. 

Maggie Flynn. — Why, of course, Tim. (Hands him money) But 
I must go right back to the kitchen now or the noodles will burn. 

Timothy Casey. — That's a darlint! Now ye can marry a gintle- 
man an' not a jailbird, mesilf bein' the same. (Rising to his feet) 
Sure, me fut feels betther in a jiffy. (Exit Maggie Flynn to the right) 
Ah, Maggie 's the girrl for me; she 's the bank that niver bu'sts. 

Bowing deferentially, Timothy Casey approaches Samuel Applebee. 

Samuel Applebee. — Well, sir, what success have you had? 

Timothy Casey. — (Offering the money) Here 's the tin dollars, 
yer honor. 

Samuel Applebee. — Is this your first offense, young man? 

Timothy Casey. — Sure, it is, your honor. 

Samuel Applebee. — Then the court repeals its sentence and 
collects no fine on this occasion. However, you are cautioned not 
to allow your feet to grow any larger. 

Timothy Casey. — (Bowing profoundly ) Long loife to yer river- 
ence, an' the same to yer rilitives! 

As Timothy Casey puts the money in his pocket and picks up his 
spade, Hannah Peabody enters from the porch of the Peabody house 
at the right with a, broom in her hand. 

Hiram Peabody. — (Aside to Hannah Peabody as he points to the 
tra.nsit-com,pass) I don't go much on that thingumajig, Hannah. 
You ken find out jest as much look in' through a knot-hole. 

Hannah Peabody. — Don't worry, Hiram; they're doin' it scientific. 

Enter from the direction of the Fenmore residence at the remote 
right Gilbert Fenmore, followed by Sarah Fenmore and Nellie Fen- 
more. Daniel Peabody and Nellie Fenmore withdraw to one side as 
if in private conversation. 

Gilbert Fenmore. — (To Henry Astor) You will find those old 
landmarks incorrect. Those stakes encroach at least a yard on 
my possessions. 

Hiram Peabody. — Who 's bossin' this job, you or me? 

Gilbert Fenmore. — I have an interest in this business. 

Hiram Peabody. — Then you'll hev to pay half the bills. 

Gilbert Fenmore.- We'll see about that later. 

Hirarti Peabody. If you say X driv them stakes over on you, 
you're a pesky pervaricator. 

Gilbert Fenmore.- I didn't say you drove them. It was done by 
the man you bought your place of. 



13 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, I don't blame him for wantin' to git 
out o 1 this neighborhood. 

Enter at the right Parson Pilkins with a book in his hand. 

Parson Pilkins. — Brethren and sisters, my services are offered 
in t lie interests of peace. 

Hiram Peabody. — Say, parson, this aint no camp-meetin." If 
yon can't keep from talkin,' pitch into Fenmore. He b'longs to 
your church, an' I don't b'kng to nothin.' 

Parson Pilkins. — But you are welcome at our church. 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, I would n't jine sich a gang nohow. I 
don't take much stock in religion, an' church mortgages, an' sich 
tomfoolery. 

Hannah Peabody. — (To Parson Pilkins) There's one of your 
church members over there! (Pointing to Gilbert Fenmore) He has 
treated us just scandalous! 

Hiram Peabody. — You jest ought to see my garden, parson! 
Tween the bushwhackers an' Fenmore's cattle trampoosin' 'round, 
there aint a b'iled dinner left. 

Sarah Fenmore. — (To Hannah Peabody) You haven't any- 
thing to say: your hens have scratched up my hollyhocks. 

Hannah Peabody. — Well, I don't care what happens if Dan 
does n't throw himself away on your girl! 

Sarah Fenmore. — If our Nellie marries your good-for-nothing 
son, she'll never get a cent of our property! So there! Besides, 
you're no housekeeper to have cobwebs in your cupboard! 

Gilbert Fenmore. — (To Sarah Fenmore ) There, there, wife, don't 
waste any more words on these people! 

Hannah Peabody. — We're just as good as the codfish aristocracy 
like you! Take that, you reprehensible wretch! 

Hannah Peabody knocks off Gilbert Fenmore's hat with her broom. 
As Daniel Peabody hurries to take the broom from Hannah Peabody's 
hand and Nellie Fenmore picks up Gilbert Fenmore'* hat and re- 
place* it on his head, the curtain falls. 



14 



ACT II 



Scene 1. — A room in Robert Lamont's residence at Richmond, 
Virginia. The furnishings of the room consist of a sofa, chairs, 
center-table, escritoire, etc. At the remote end of the apartment 
is a window. 



Enter at the right Robert Lamont and Isabel Lamont. 

Robert Lamont. — (Looking at his watch) It is time for the 
General to arrive. He is usually as punctual as a clock. 

Isabel Lamont. — We shall owe much to General Waldon for the 
success of our plans. 

Robert Lamont. — He is doing all possible, but it is well to 
remember, Isabel, that there is many a slip between the cup and 
the lip. If we fail — 

Isabel Lamont. — Fail! My heart is set on success; we must not fail. 

Robert Lamont. — It is never safe to set one's hopes too firmly 
on a single plan. My motto is: If one scheme fails, try another. 

Isabel Lamont. — But what other could we try? 

Robert Lamont. — You know I am treasurer of the Royal 
League? 

Isabel Lamont. — Yes. 

Robert Lamont. — Well, as a last resort, I can decamp with the 
funds in my custody and make a new start elsewhere. It is a poor 
strategist that has but one string to his bow. 

Isabel Lamont. — ( Throwing her arms around Robert LamonVs 
neck as they seat themselves on the sofa) Would you leave me 
behind in your flight, Renzo, dear? 

Robert Lamont. — (Nervously) Hang it, Isabel, be careful! The 
walls may have ears. Never call me by that name again. Remem- 
ber, my given name is Robert on all occasions now. My real name 
is buried with the past. 

Isabel Lamont. — I will remember. But answer me, Robert, 
would you forsake me, if you were forced to flee from the city? 

Robert Lamont. — (Impatiently rising to his feet) Why do you 
ask such a foolish question, Isabel? I don't know why you should 
think I would desert you. 

Isabel Lamont. — It is because of a dreadful dream I had last 
night. That dream seemed like the prophecy of an evil doom. 

Robert Lamont. — Only candidates for the mad-house brood over 
nightmares. If you must worry, for heaven sake, rind a tangible 
cause. 

Isabel Lamont — Remember, Robert, I have loved you when 
others have hated you; I have forgiven you where others have 
condemned. 

Robert Lamont. (Impatiently) Yes, yes; but what of it? Re- 
proaches never help matters. 



15 

Isabel Lamont. — ( Rising from the sofa and placing her hand 
pleadingly upon Robert LamonVs shoulder) Robert, why do you 
speak to me so harshly, when I have sacrificed so much for you? 

Robert Lamont. — Well, if you must have a reason, it is this: 
Feminine trivialities irritate me when vital issues are at stake. 

Isabel Lamont. — But I never intend to irritate you, Robert. 

Robert Lamont. — Quite true; that much is conceded. But, by 
the way, suppose I should leave you — a mere supposition, you 
understand — what would you do? Seek revenge? 

Isabel Lamont — (Producing a vial from her corsage) No, Robert, 
this would end all. 

Robert Lamont. — Poison, eh? An excellent suggestion as a last 
resort. (Knocking heard) Hush! The General is at the door. 

Isabel Lamont. — (Replacing the vial in her corsage) Shall I 
withdraw? 

Robert Lamont. — No; remain. You have great influence over 
the General. Excuse my rudeness, Isabel, and dispel your doubts. 
We will rise or fall together. (More knocking ) Come in, General. 

Enter at the left General Rudolph Waldon, chid in the uniform of 
the Confederacy and with a sword at his side. 

Rudolph Waldon. — (Saluting and doffing his hat) Pardon my 
tardiness; I was unavoidably delayed. 

Robert Lamont. — (Extending his hand in greeting) No excuse is 
necessary, General; you are welcome at any time. 

Isabel Lamont. — Pray be seated, General. 

Rudolph Waldon. — Thank you, Madame. (Seating himself) I 
must confess that my exertions to-day have wearied me somewhat. 

Robert Lamont. — (As he touches a bell) Well, General, how are 
matters progressing? 

Rudolph Waldon. — Finely. We have every reason to be hopeful. 

Isabel Lamont. — ( With animation) Do tell us all that has hap- 
pened, General; I am eager for the news. 

Robert Lamont. — You will observe, General, that Madame La- 
mont is not reluctant to assume the responsibilities of royalty. 

Rudolph Waldon. — I admire her zeal, Monsieur. A diadem 
will befit her well. 

Isabel Lamont. — How gallant you are, General: you remind me 
of Sir Walter Raleigh. 

Rudolph Waldon. — The compliment is appreciated, Madame, 
and I hope to remain worthy of your high esteem. 

Isabel Lamont. — Should our plans succeed, General, your fame 
and fortune are assured. 

Enter Sambo at the right, silently bowing. 

Robert Lamont. — Refreshments, Sambo. 

Sambo.: — Yas, sah. (Exit Sambo to the right) 



16 

Robert Lamont. — So you think, General, our cause is advancing? 

Rudolph Waldon. — Most assuredly. (Hands Robert Lamont a 
purse) Here is a contribution by Colonel Rodney to the treasury 
of the Royal League. 

Isabel Lamont. — (Gleefully) Isn't it just glorious! Soon we can 
equip an army of our own, if necessary. 

Rudolph Waldon. — Yes, the prospects brighten day by day. The 
commanding officers of the Confederate army are becoming more 
antagonistic towards each other. Every defeat increases the wrang- 
ling among the officers and the discontent among the soldiers. The 
hour approaches when the failure of democracy will be conceded, 
and the call for another Napoleon will be heard. 

Robert Lamont. — Have you revealed to the members of the 
Royal League the identity of the coming Napoleon? 

Rudolph Waldon. — Not yet. Mystery has its attractions; there- 
fore I have reserved this revelation until the proper crisis arrives. 

Robert Lamont. — The fact that I am related to the Napoleons 
should influence the public mind in my favor. 

Rudolph Waldon. — Undoubtedly it will. Trust me to make 
prominent a point of such importance. Our coup d'etat, as the 
French would say, will be most impressive. 

Isabel Lamont. — What a genius you are, General! 

Enter Sambo at the right, carrying bottles and wine-glasses on a, 
tray. He sets the tray on the center-table and awaits further orders. 

Robert Lamont. — Come, General, we drink to your health. 
{Robert Lamont, Isabel Lamont and Rudolph Waldon advance to the 
center-table and fill their glasses) A toast. 

Rudolph Waldon. — Success to the rirst empire of the South. 

As the trio touch glasses and drink, enter at the left Albert Lester 
dad. in neglected attire. 

Albert Lester. — (To Robert Lamont) Villain! Robber! Murderer! 
You shall not escape! (Pointing at Robert Lamont and addressing 
Budolph Waldon, as the occupants of the room recoil in alarm) Sir, 
that man's name is false; his heart is false; put no trust in what 
he says. He deserted my daughter, and she died in a distant land. 
He robbed me of my hard-earned money. See where he struck me 
and left me for dead, (piinting to the side of his head) but I lived 
for vengeance! Sometimes my mind is clear, sometimes dark. Sir, 
his true name is Lorenzo Douglass. I can prove it all by these 
papers. {Displays papers, replaces them in an inner pocket of his 
coat, and presses his hands against his head) Oh, my head, my God, 
my head: 

Enter at (he right Stella Andrews with timid inquisitiveness. 

Robert Lamont. — (To Rudolph Waldon) General, please escort 
Madame Lamont to an inner room. (To Sambo) Sambo, seize that 
madman while 1 summon the street patrol! (Exeunt Isabel Lamont 
and. Stella Andrews to the right, guarded by Rudolph Waldon with 



17 

drawn sword. Exit Robert Lamont to the left, blowing an alarrh- 
whisth as he goes. As Sambo attempts to lay hold of Albert Lester, 
the intruder draws a dagger threateningly and makes his exit to the 
left. Enter Robert Lamont and several Confederate soldiers at tin 
left ) Where is that lunatic, Sambo? 

Sambo. — (Trembling with fear) He done gone, sah! 

Robert Lamont. — Gone! Didn't I tell you to hold him? 

Sambo. — Yas, sah; but dat lun'tic done pull a knife so long, sah! 
(Measures the full length of his left arm with his right hand) 

Robert Lamont. — (Striking Sambo) Take that, you black whelp! 
I'll make your teeth chatter for something! (To the soldiers) This 
way, quick! (Exeunt omnes hurriedly to the left as the curtain falls. 



Scene 2. — The Peabody and Fenmore homesteads, the same as 
Scene 1, Act I, including the clothes-line suspended from the same 
supports. Added to the original scene, a line fence now extends 
across the stage from right to left, dividing the land of Hiram Pea- 
body from that of Gilbert Fenmore. Attached to this fence is a 
rude sign on which is painted in clumsy letters the following 
announcement: 

this Plase 

For sail cheep 

hiram Peabody 

Oner 



Enter at the right Hiram Peabody, John Rinton and several soldier* 
dad in the Confederate uniform and armed with rifles, John Rinton 
wearing a sword in Jiis belt. 

Hiram Peabody. — I toF you you couldn't rind 'em. 

John Rinton. — Do you know where they are? 

Hiram Peabody. — It aint none o' your business what I know. 
You aint no right ransackin' an' rummajuggin , 'round my house. 
What you find out here you'll hev to diskiver yourself. 

John Rinton. — Be careful how you talk, old man: I am an 
officer of the Confederate army. 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, they must hev been hard up for officers 
when they took sich a feller as you. 

Hannah Peabody. — (Entering at the right from the porch door- 
nay of the Peabody house) What do these men want, Hiram? 

Hiram Peabody. — These fellers are tryin' to shanghai Dan into 
the secesh army. 

Hannah Peabody. — Good gracious, that's not right! 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, I should say not! That's a darned 
purty way to do business! 

John Rinton. — (Pointing towards the irell-rnrb) Is that water all 
right? I'.m as dry as a fish. 



18 

Hiram Peabody. — It's middlin 1 good water. I drink it when 
I can't git cider or buttermilk. 

John Rinton. — (To Hannah Peabody, as he proceeds to windlass 
.up a bucket of water from the well) Fetch out a drinking dish, old 
woman, and be spry about it. 

Hannah Peabody steps inside the porch and returns with a 
dipper which she hands to John Rinton. 

Hannah Peabody. — I have a better dish, if I had time to get it. 

John Rinton. — This is good enough. (To Hiram Peabody) You 
drink first, (to Hannah Peabody) and you next. 

Hiram Peabody. — What for? I aint dry. 

John Rinton. — Do as I tell you. If this water is poisoned, you'll 
get the first dose. 

Hiram Peabody. — What are you talkin' about? Nothin' ails 
that water. You must hev been pizenin' somebody yourself. 

John Rinton. — I'll take no chances with a Yankee. Now drink. 

Hiram Peabody. — No you don't! I can't be driv wuth a red cent. 

John Rinton. — (Grasping Hiram Peabody by the shoulder) 
Drink, or I'll throw you into the well! 

Dipping the dish into the bucket as if to drink, Hiram Peabody 
suddenly dashes the water from the dipper into John Rinton 's face . 

Hiram Peabody. — Take that, you consarned jayhawker! You 
can't skeer me. 

John Rinton. — (Angrily wiping his face) 111 fix you for that, 
old man! (Severs a section of the clothes-line with his sword) There'll 
be one Yankee the less when I am done with you! (Addressing the 
soldiers and pointing to the left) Hang this old scoundrel to that 
sycamore tree over yonder! 

Soldiers. — (Seizing Hiram Peabody and adjusting the rope 
around, his neck) All right, sir. 

Hannah Peabody. — (Flurrying to the corner of the porch ) Dan, 
Dan, come quick! They're goih' to hang your father! 

Enter from right Daniel Peabody followed by Timothy Casey. 

Daniel Peabody. — (To Rinton) Don't you dare to hurt my father! 

John Rinton. — Ah, ha! young fellows, I have you now! You 
can dodge enlisting, but you can't avoid conscription. (To soldiers) 
See to it that these fellows do not escape. 

Enter from right Gilbert Fen more, Nellie Fenmore, Sarah Fen more 
and Maggie Flynn. 

Gilbert Fenmore. (To Rinton) Sir, what does this mean? 

John Rinton. I'm going to hang this old Yankee. 

Gilbert Fenmore. Sir, you harm Mr. Peabody at your peril! 
I uphold the South, but T will never permit our cause to be dis- 
graced by such an outrage. Sir, if you persist, I will report you to 
your superior officer. 



19 

John Rinton.- ( To soldiers) Let the old man go, but take these 
young fellows to headquarters under guard. 

After re mo ring the rope from Hiram Peabodtfq neck, the soldiers 
drop it on the ground. 

Timothy Cagey. — (To Rinton) Say, Misther, OT'm no good wid 
a gun: 01 can't hit a barn-door. 

John Rinton. — You can hit a trench with a spade then. 

Timothy Casey. — (Aside to Maggie FlynnJ If 01 only had me 
shillalah, Maggie, OI'd crack that spalpeen's head! 

As the soldiers form a guard around Daniel Peabody and Timothy 
Casey, preparatory to departing, their exit is delayed by the farewell 
demonstrations of the women, Daniel Peabody dividing his attention 
between Hannah Peabody and Nellie Fenmore. while Timothy Casey 
is occupied with Maggie Flynn. 

John Rinton. — (Impatiently ) Cut it short, ladies, cut it short! 
( To soldiers) Forward, men! 

Hiram Peabody. — Desert 'em, Dan, an' skedaddle fust chance 
you git. (In soliloquy as he picks up the piece of rope) Blast their 
measly picters, they've sp'ilt that clo'es-line! {Curtain falls ) 



ACT III 

Scene 1. — The room in Robert Lamont's residence at Richmond, 
the same as Scene 1, Act II. 



Fnter Robert Lamont and S<nnbo at the right. 

Robert Lamont. — Are you a good shot, Sambo? 

Sambo. Yas, sab; I'ze de crack shot at de las 1 possum hunt. 

Robert Lamont. — Very well. You can now hunt larger game. 
(Crossing the room, lie takes from the escritoire two revolvers, places 
one of them back in the escritoire and returns to Sambo with the other 
in Iris hatha) Now, Sambo, I'll tell you what I want you to do. 

Sambo. Yas, sab. 

Robert Lamont. — You remember the crazy man that was here? 

Sambo. — Yas, sab, I 'members him. 

Robert Lamont. — Well, I want you to take this loaded revolver 
and shoot him, if he comes prowling around here again. 

Sambo. — Yas, sah: 111 done shoot dat lun'tic, sure, sab. (Ex- 
amines the revolver) Dat 's a mighty tine gun, sah. 

Robert Lamont. — I'll tell you what I'll do, Sambo. If you can 
kill that crazy man, I'll give you that revolver. 

Sambo.- (Grinning gleefully) Golly, sah! Gib me dis gun? 



20 

Robert Lamont. — That very same gun. But mind, Sambo, you 
must bring proof that you have done the deed. 

Sambo. — What am de proof, sah? 

Robert Lamont. — You must bring me a package of papers that 
you will find in that lunatic's pocket. That will be proof that you 
have done your duty. You understand, Sambo? 

Sambo. — Yas, sah. 

Robert Lamont. — And remember, Sambo, if you fail to kill him, 
I'll kill you. Now go. 

Sambo. — Yas, sah; I'll hit dat lun'tic de fus' crack, sah. 

Exit Sambo to the right, examining the revolver and grinning with 
satisfaction as he goes. The sound of drums and cheering heard 
outside as of troops passing by. Enter Isabel Lamont at the right. 

Isabel Lamont. — What does so much noise mean, Robert? 

Robert Lamont. — Reenforcements are being hurried forward to 
meet the advancing Federals. 

Isabel Lamont. — Then we soon shall know the fate of our plans. 

Robert Lamont. — Yes; very soon. 

Isabel Lamont. — Have the police captured that crazy man yet? 

Robert Lamont. — No; the police force is useless at present. The 
city is under martial law, and the antagonism between the military 
and the police department is so great that no protection is assured. 
Every citizen is forced to defend himself. 

Isabel Lamont — That madman is dangerous, Robert. 

Robert Lamont. — I know it; but I am comparatively safe now. 
I wear under my vest a set of metallic shields, constructed for me 
by an ingenious artisan. The device will resist knife strokes and 
pistol shots, (adjusting his vest uneasily ) but the discomfort of the 
contrivance is such that I shall be glad to discard it as soon as my 
pursuer is no more. 

Isabel Lamont. — I do hope he will be captured soon. 

Robert Lamont. — I hope he will be killed soon. From a dead 
enemy there is no further danger. Do you think his words had any 
effect on General Waldon to prejudice him against us? 

Isabel Lamont. — Oh, no; the General regarded the affair as 
merely a case of mistaken indentity on the part of an insane man. 
A sound of drums and cheering again heard outside. 

Robert Lamont. — Hark! Another detachment of troops is passing. 

Isabel Lamont. — ( Pointing toward the window) Just see that 
glow on the sky! A great fire is raging somewhere. 

Robert' Lamont. — As the night comes down, the Federal troops 
are setting fire to the plantations in their advance on Richmond. 

As Robert Lamont and Isabel Lamont stand at the window looking 
out, Albert Lester enters at the left, the noise of the passing troops 
outside making the sound of his footsteps inaudible. Drawing a 
dagger from beneath his coat, he stealthily advances and strikes 
Robert Lamont in the back with the weapon. 



21 

Isabel Lamont. — (Seizing hold of Robert Lamont in fright ) Oh, 
Robert! are you hurt? 

Robert Lamont. — Not in the least. Don't detain me. That 
man must not escape! (As Robert Lamont bloivs his alarm-whistle , 
Albert Lester makes his exit to the left, concealing his dagger under 
It is coat and muttering in a bewildered manner as he goes. As 
Robert Lamont secures his revolver from the escritoire. Sambo and 
Stella Andrews enter at the right) Attend to your mistress, Stella! 
Quick, Sambo, this way! That maniac is here again! 

Exeunt to left Robert Lamont and Sambo with revolvers in readi- 
ness. Curtain falls. 



Scene 2. — A street in Richmond. Time, the early morning fol- 
lowing the last scene. 



Albert Lester seen sleeping with his head leaning against a wall. 
Enter Sambo at right. 

Sambo. — (In soliloquy ) I doan want to kill dat lun'tic, but I 
mus' get dem papers. (Scratches his head in perplexity, then grins 
with glee) Dat am de idee! If dat lun'tic doan wake up, I doan 
shoot him. But Fze gwine own dis gun somehow, dat am sure. 

Placing his revolver in a convenient position for use, Sambo pro- 
ceeds to searcji Albert Lester s pockets. As he secures the package of 
papers, John Rinton ana several Confederate soldiers enter at right. 
Exit Sambo to left in haste. 

John Rinton. — (Hitting Albert Lester with his foot) Wake up, 



22 

wake up, you old snorer! (Lester staggers to his feet in a bewildered 
manner) Move on, move on, you old ragamuffin! 

Exit Albert Lester to left, followed by John Rinton and the soldiers, 
Rinton prodding Lester with his sword as they go. Enter at right 
Robert Lamont and Sambo. 

Sambo. — Dis am de place where I done shoot dat lun'tic, sah. 

Robert Lamont. — But where is the remains, Sambo? 

Sambo. — De sojers done toted de body off, sah. (Hands the 
package of papers to Lamont) Dar am de papers, sah. 

Robert Lamont. — (Examining the papers) Those are the docu- 
ments, sure enough. Well done, Sambo. The revolver is yours. 
Now come with me. 

Exit Robert Lamont to left, followed by Sambo proudly inspecting 
his revolver. Enter at right Hiram Peabody trundling a wheel- 
barrow containing groceries. Halting, he sits down on the wheel- 
harrow, removes his old straw hat and wipes his forehead with a red 
bandanna, handkerchief. 

Hiram Peabody. — (In soliloquy, as he exhales his breath in a 
long puff) Whew! By gosh, I'm purty nigh tuckered out! (Medita- 
tively) I should like to know what they done with Dan; it kind o' 
worries me somehow. 

Enter Peter Armstrong at right. 

Peter Armstrong. — You've traveled a long distance with that 
wheelbarrow, my friend. 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, yas; consider'ble of a ways. 

Peter Armstrong. — Why don't you use a horse? 

Hiram Peabody. — Them infarnal bushwhackers stole my ol' 
nag. The only hoss I hev now is a saw-hoss. If they steal this 
wheelbarrer, I dunno what in thunder I'll do my truckin' with. 

Peter Armstrong. — Have you any more vegetables to sell? 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, yas, I .guess so. Some more pertetters, 
cowcumbers, yaller-eyed beans an' sich stuff. 

Peter Armstrong. — I'll be out to your place again to buy some 
of those things. 

Hiram Peabody. — I dunno jest when I'll git back — maybe 'bout 
sundown. 

Peter Armstrong. — All right. I'll be out there about that time. 
( rood-by. 

Hiram Peabody. — Say, hoi' on! Hev you seen anything of Dan? 

Peter Armstrong. — Who is Dan? 

Hiram Peabody. That 's my boy. They shanghaied him into 
the seeesh army, an \ dunno where in thunder they took him to. 

Peter Armstrong. — No; I haven't seen him. If ! meet him any- 
where, ['11 let you know. 

Hiram Peabody. 1 wish you would. Hannah V purty nigh 
crazy 'bout it. 



23 

Peter Armstrong. — I'll see you again. Good -by. 
Exit Peter Armstrong to left. 

Hiram Pea body. — (In soliloquy) That feller 's a lot more 
civilized than some o' the rapscallions I run into. 

Reenter- at the left John Rinton and the Confederate soldiers. 

John Rinton. — (Directing the attention of the soldiers to Hiram 
Peabody) There 's that old spy again. (To Hiram Peabody) What 
are you doing here with that wheelbarrow? 

Hiram Peabody. — Hey? 

John Rinton. — What are you doing with that wheelbarrow, I say? 

Hiram Peabody. — Mindin' my own business. 

John Rinton. — We'll see about that. Some spy is giving infor- 
mation to the Federals, and we suspect you. 

Hiram Peabody. — Say, where "s Dan? You're the feller that 
shanghaied him. 

John Rinton. — (Overhauling the packages in the wheelbarrow) 
Never mind about Dan. If I find you are taking secret messages 
out of this city, you'll never see Dan again. 

Hiram Peabody. — Be keerful there; don't bu'st them budgets. 

John Rinton. — (Examining some marks on the back of a dry split 
codfish) What are these marks on this fish — a cipher message? 

Hiram Peabody. — Cipher nothin'! That 's the price o' them 
codfish. It's an all-fired steep price, but everything is held at stiff 
riggers lately. 

John Rinton. — (Throwing the dry fish back into the wheelbarrow) 
Now peel off your coat. 

Hiram Peabody. — Not much! My galluses are bu'sted. 

John Rinton. — Off with your coat, I say, or it'll be worse for you ! 

Hiram Peabody. — Bet your bottom dollar I don't! 

John Rinton. — (To soldiers) Pull off his coat. 

Soldiers. — (Stacking their rifles) All right, sir. 

Hiram Peabody. — (As his coat is being roughly removed) Be 
keerful, be keerful there, or you'll rip it! 

John Rinton. — (After examining the coat) This plug of tobacco 
is all I can rind (Puts the tobacco into his own pocket and throws 
the coat onto the wheelbarrow) 

Hiram Peabody. — Say, that 's my terbacker. 

John Rinton. — Never mind your tobacco. Off with your boots. 

Hiram Peabody. — Can't git 'em off without a bootjack. 

John Rinton. — Sit down on the wheelbarrow. {To a soldier) Pull 
off his boots. 

The soldier pulls off one of Hiram Peabody's hoots and hands it to 
Rinton who shakes it bottom up to dislodge anything it might contain. 



24 

Hiram Peabody. — My socks need darnim; I ken see that with 
one eye shet. (The soldier attempts to pull off the other hoot) Say, 
can't you be a leetle easier on my corns? You're a reg'lar stump- 
puller. (Kicking the soldier aside with his disengaged foot) Thunder 
an' lightning let up on that yankin'! 

John Rinton. — (Impatiently seizing the hoot upon which the sol- 
dier has lost his grip ) Off comes that boot, or off comes the foot! 

Hiram Peabody. — (Grasping a dried codfish by the tail and smit- 
ing it down upon Rinton's head) Take that, you pesky jayhawker! 
I'll larn you to steal my terbacker! 

John Rinton. — (To soldiers) Take the old rascal to the guard- 
house. If you kill him on the way, it'll be all right. 

Enter at right Gilbert Fenmore with riding-whip in hand. 
Gilbert Fenmore. — ( To Rinton) What is the trouble here? 
John Rinton. -- This old man is a Federal spy. 
Gilbert Fenmore. — Nonsense! Mr. Peabody is no spy. He is 
my neighbor: I know him well. If you don't release him, I'll make 
it hot for you. 

John Rinton. — (To soldiers) Ha, ha! Come on, boys, the drinks 
are on me. ( Exeunt Rinton and soldiers to right) 

Hiram Peabody. — (As he puts on his coat and boot) Much obleeged 
neighbor Fenmore. You're a purty good feller after all. 

Gilbert Fenmore. — [Extending his hand) I am sorry that ill feel- 
ings ever came between us. I was not considerate enough about 
your rights. 

Hiram Peabody. — (Shaking hands with Fenmore) Woll, it was 
some my fault; I said more 'n I ought to. Maybe we ken git along 
better now. 

Gilbert Fenmore. — You can ride directly home with me, if you 
like. My wagon is large enough to take in all of your things. 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, I don't keer if I do ride back. I'm 
pesky nigh petered out. {Arranging the parcels in the wheelbarrow) 
That ornery jayhawker jumbled my stuff jest scand'lous. Candles 
in with the codfish, an 1 matches in with the molasses! Woll, I 
swenny, that 's a mess! 

Exit to the left Gilbert Fenmore, followed by Hiram Peabody 
trundling the wheelbarrow. Curtain falls. 



25 



ACT IV 

Scene 1. — A street in Richmond, Virginia, 



Enter at right Daniel Peabody and Nellie Fenmore, the former 

dad in the uniform of a Confederate soldier, the latter wearing the 
emblem of the Bed Cross Society and carrying a basket on her arm. 

Nellie Femnore. — I wish papa could see you in that uniform. 

Daniel Peabody. — Now that I am a soldier under the flag of the 
South, I hope he will withdraw his objections to me. 

Nellie Fenmore. — I am sure he will. 
Cannonading and ringing of alarm bells heard in the distance. 

Daniel Peabody. — Hark! The battle is renewed. ("J bugle sounds) 
I am detailed as an artilleryman and that is the signal to rally. 
Don't expose yourself to danger. Good-by, Nellie. 

Nellie Fenmore. — Good-by, Dan. 

With a parting kiss, exeunt Daniel Peabody hurriedly to right 
and Nellie Fenmore to left. Enter at left Robert Lamont and Isabel 
Lamont, the former disguised as a priest wearing a pendent cross. 

Isabel Lamont. — Is there nothing left to hope for? 

Robert Lamont. — Everything has gone to smash. Colonel Rod- 
ney has betrayed me; I am a fugitive from the military authorities. 
Besides, the South is hopelessly defeated and the Confederates are 
setting fire to the city. 

Isabel Lamont. — But, Robert, are you going to leave me behind? 

Robert Lamont. — Of course not. But I shall be captured, if we 
attempt to leave the city together. I must go alone. Meet me at 
Meadow Station to-morrow. I will abandon this disguise to-night. 

Isabel Lamout. — What a dreadful ending to all our hopes! 

Robert Lamont. — This is no time for tears or regrets. Hark! 
The tramping of feet! I must not be seen here. Remember my 
directions. Be at Meadow Station to-morrow. 

Exit Robert Lamont to right. Enter at the left Rudolph Waldon, 
lying on a litter carried by four Confederate soldiers and attended 
by Nellie Fenmore. 

Isabel Lamont. — (To one of the soldiers bearing the litter) Is this 
General Waldon? 

Soldier. — (As the litter-bearers halt) Yes, ma'am. He 's almost 
gone — shot through the lungs. 



26 

Rudolph Waldon feebly extends his hand to Isabel Lamont, while 
Nellie Fenmore tales a glass of cordial from her basket and holds it 
to his lips. Enter John Bint on at right. 

John Rinton. — (To Isabel Lamont) Madam, where is your 
husband? 

Isabel Lamont. — I do not know. Why do you ask? 

John Rinton. — I am ordered to arrest him. (Shows a paper) 
Here is the warrant. 

Isabel Lamont. — No; [ do not know where he is. 

John Rinton. — Madam, I have a warrant for your arrest also. 
You are my prisoner. 

Suddenly taking the vial of poison from her corsage, Isabel Lamont 
drinks its contents. As Rinton springs forward to support the falling 
woman, Daniel Peabody and several Confederate artillerymen enter 
at double-quick from the right, hauling a cannon. As they pass and 
vanish to the left, Daniel Peabody waves his cap in adieu to Nellie 
Fenmore. Curtain falls. 



Scene 2. — The Peabody and Fenmore homesteads, the same as 
Scene 1, Act I, with the suspended clothes-line omitted, and with 
the line fence added as described in Scene 2, Act II. Time, the 
night following the last scene. 

Enter at right Robert Lamont disguised as a priest. He knocks 
at the porch door of Hiram Peabody' 's house. Hiram Peabody 
appears at the door with a lighted candle in his hand. 

Robert Lamont.— My good sir, can you accommodate me with a 
night's lodging? 

Hiram Peabody. — This aint no tavern. Why don't you go down 
to the half-way house? 

Robert Lamont. — [ will pay you well for accommodations. 

Hiram Peabody. — Who be you,, anyhow? 

Robert Lamont. — I am Father O'Grouchy. 

Hiram Peabody.- Woll, that don't make no diff rence; I cant 
put nobody up. Ever sense that crazy feller was 'round here, 
Hannah 's been mighty skittish 'bout lettin' strangers in. 

Robert Lamont. — Then you cannot give me lodgings? 

Hiram Peabody. I'm sorry, but I can't. Hannah that 's my 
wife- she 's too pesky narvous to stan' it. 

Robert Lamont. Good night, then. 

Hiram Peabody. Good night. Sorry I couldn't let you in. 

Exit Hiram Peabody within the porch, closing the door behind. 
him. Crossing the yard, Robert Lamont enters the summer-house . 

Robert Lamont. ( In soliloquy) I'm too tired to go another step. 
['ve lost two night's sleep and I can't keep on my feet any longer. 
Come what may, 1 must rest. 



'27 

Robert Lamont lies down on the settee and falls asleep. Enter at 

right Albert Lester, who crosses the yard and stealthily enters tin 
summer-house. Drawing a dagger from under his coat, Lester stoops 
over Lamont and stabs him. Staggering to his feet, Lamont draws 
a revolver from beneath Iris priestly vestments an& discharges it point- 
blank at Lester and then grapples with his foe, both falling dead from 
their wounds. Enter Hiram Peabody from the porch doorway at 
right, carrying a lighted candle and his shotgun. 

Hiram Peabody. — (As he crosses yard and enters summer-house) 
No use talk in', I sartinly heerd shootin'. Woll, woll, here 's a 
purty howdy-do! Dead 's a door-nail, both on 'em. Woll, by 
gosh, I dunno what to do! 

Hannah Peabody- — (Entering from the porch doorway) Has 
anything gone wrong, Hiram? 

Hiram Peabody. — Go back, Hannah, go back, afore you git 
skeered out o' your wits! 

Curtain falls. 



ACT V 

Scene 1. — The Peabody and Fenmore homesteads, the same as 
Scene 1, Act I, with the suspended clothes-line omitted, and with 
the line fence added as described in Scene 2, Act II. Sounds of a 
battle heard in the distance at the left. Enter Hiram Peabody and 
Hannah Peabody from the porch doorway at the right. 



Hiram Peabody. — That 's quite a scrimmage over there, jedgin' 
by the clatter. 

Hannah Peabody. — I do hope Dan isn't in it. 

Hiram Peabody. — So do I. (Pointing to left) Jest look at them 
fellers run, Hannah! They're comin' this way lickety-split. 

Hannah Peabody. — For heaven sake, what shall we do? 

Hiram Peabody. — You better git right into the house. 
Enter Gilbert Fenmore at right. 

Gilbert Fenmore. — Come over to my place, neighbors, till the 
danger is past. 

Hiram Peabody. — Much obleeged, neighbor Fenmore. You better 
go, Hannah. 

Hannah Peabody. — Will you come, Hiram? 

Hiram Peabody. — Not jest yit. If the house ketches afire, 1 
want to be hand} 7 to put it out. You go right along, Hannah. 

Hannah Peabody. — Do come, Hiram! 

Hiram Peabody. — In a minute. 

Gilbert Fenmore. — Don't stay here too long, neighbor. 
Exeunt Gilbert Fenmore and Hannah Peabody to right. 



28 

Hiram Peabocly. — (In soliloquy) Maybe I ken head them fellers 
off. (Stepping inside the porch, he returns with his shotgun. Insert- 
ing the ramrod into the barrel of the weapon, he measures with his 
palm its projection outside the muzzle.) That 's a mighty stiff charge. 
If that gun bu'stSj I'll land in kingdom come. (Disappearing be- 
hind the summer-house, he discharges his weapon and reappears just 
as John Rinton and. a Confederate artilleryman carrying a cannon- 
swab enter at left and tear down a, length of fence to clear a passage) 
Hoi' on; that 's my fence you're knockin' every which way! 

John Rinton. — Stand back, old man, or you'll get hurt! 

Hiram Peabody. — I'll stick up for my rights, don't you forgitit! 

After receiving a thrust from the cannon-swab, Hiram Peabody 
retires to the porch doorway at the right to reload his shotgun. 
Enter at the left, in the panic of retreat, Confederate soldiers in 
uniform and conscripts in citizen's garb, among the latter being 
Timothy Casey and Mike Dolan. Some of the soldiers enter bare- 
headed and without coats, others fing aside their accoiiterments as 
they pass, while still others drink ivith thirsty haste from the bucket 
of water standing in the well-curb before they vanish to the right. 

John Rinton. — (Seizing a Confederate flag from the hand of a 're- 
treating soldier ) Soldiers of Virginia, rally, rally! (-Striking Timothy 
Casey with his sword) Cowards, traitors, stand your ground! 

Timothy Casey. — (To Mike Dolan) Save your bacon, Mike! 
Betther be a, live thraitor thin a de.ad pathriot! 



Exeunt Timothy Casey and Mike Dolan in haste to the right. 
Enter at the left, through the breach in the line fence, Daniel Pea- 
body and several other artillerymen hauling a cannon. Cheering 
heard, at the left. 

John Rinton. The Yankees are coming, hoys; spike that gun! 

Daniel Peabody.- All right, sir; Til do it. 

Exeunt /Union and artillerymen to right as Daniel Peabody takes 
a spike and ha in mer from his knapsack and disables the cannon. Exit 
Daniel Peabody to right. Enter at left Federal soldiers carrying the 
Union flag. Cheering they vanish to left, hauling the captured gun. 

Pee nice Daniel Peabody from right. 



29 

Daniel Peabody. — ( To Hiram Peabody, who is examining the 
wrecked fence) Hello, pa! Had a cyclone here? 

Hiram Peabody. — (Seizing Daniel Peabody by the hand) Hullo, 
Dan! Where in blazes did you come from? 

Daniel Peabody. — I was the chap that spiked that cannon. 

Hiram Peabody.— You don't say so! Woll, I didn't know you 
with that rig on. 

Enter at right Hannah Peabody, Gilbert Fenmore, Sarah Fenmore, 
Nellie Fenmore and Maggie Flynn. 

Hannah Peabody. — Why, if here isn't Dan! (Embracing him) 
How glad I am to see you, my dear boy! 

Daniel Peabod) 7 . — ( Shaking hands ivith Gilbert Fenmore) I am 
very glad to be with you all again. 

Hiram Peabody. — I s'pose it's all right, Dan, but I kind o' don't 
like the looks o' them secesh clo'es o' yourn. 

Gilbert Fenmore. — (Laying his hand upon Daniel Peabody'* 
shoulder) Young man, my prejudice against you is buried with the 
lost cause of the fSouth. You are welcome at my house as often as 
you choose to come. 

Daniel Peabody. — ( Taking Nellie Fenmore' 's hand) Thank you, 
Mr. Fenmore: I certainly shall not neglect your hospitality. 

Hiram Peabody. — I dunno what 's goin' to be done with that 
fence. It's in tormented bad shape. 

Daniel Peabody. — That fence will be needed no longer, pa. 

Hiram Peabody. — (Brushing dust from his clothe*) Say, Dan, I 
come purty nigh getthv my daylights knocked out from a feller 
with a pesky thingumbob on the eend of a pole. 

Enter Timothy Casey at the right. 

Daniel Peabody. — Here comes Tim, as sure as the world. 

Timothy Casey. — (Shaking hand* vigorously with everybody) 
Bet your swate loife it's Tim! 

Daniel Peabody. — I thougth the Yankees had captured you. 

Timothy Casey. — They couldn't come it. It was mesilf that lid 
the throops back to a safe place whin the ameers had lost their 
gumption. 

Curtain falls. 



30 



Scene 2. — A room in Hiram Peabody 's house. The furnishings 
consist of a table, chairs, etc. In the middle of the floor is an open 
trunk. Hiram Peabody, dressed in a suit of new clothes, is seen 
awkwardly trying to put on a necktie before a looking-glass. 



Hiram Peabody. — (In soliloquy) Hannah says I look like 
a skeercrow in nw ol 1 clo'es, but I feel like a hoss-load o' skeercrows 
in this toggery. I should like to kuow what ails that tarnation 
necktie! (Enter Hannah Peabody at the right, dressed for a journey, 
and carrying several bundles which she deposits on the table) Say, 
Hannah, I can't wear this pesky dickey! 

Hannah Peabody. — -(Assisting in adjusting the necktie) But you 
must wear it-, Hiram. It's just the thing to make you look pros- 
perous. When we visit our old friends, we want to spruce up in 
style. 

Hiram Peabody. — Style be darned! I ken knock spots off'n 
them Skowhegan folks any day. 

Hannah Peabody. — Don't be so uppish, Hiram! Good gracious! 
Did you grease your boots? 

Hiram Peabody.,— Sartinty. I allers put taller on my boots. 

Hannah Peabody. — But grease spoils the gloss on that kind of 
leather. 

Hiram Peabody. — Drat the gloss! I aint goin' -to pinch my 
corns jest to put on airs. (Putting on his tall hat) I dunno what 
makes this consarned tile joggle down onto my nose; it used to fit 
all right. 

Hannah Peabody. — It wont bother, if you stuff something under 
the brim. It looks just splendid, Hiram. It's the very hat you 
wore when we were married. 

Hiram Peabody. — YVoll, my head must hev been swelled 'bout 
that time, by gosh! 

Hannah Peabody. — (Taking the bundles from the table and carry- 
ing them over to the trunk) Land sakes alive, Hiram! You haven't 
left any room in this trunk for my bundles. You don't need all 
that stuff. What do you want that shotgun for? 

Hiram Peabody. — (Lifting up the shotgun and replacing it in the 
trunk) That gun's all out o' kilter an' liable to bu'st. Jim Cplton 
up in Skowhegan, is the only feller that can fix it right. 

Hannah Peabody.- ( Lifting a bootjack out of the trunk) You 
don't need to take that bootjack, Hiram. 

Hiram Peabody. — {Returning (he bootjack to the trunk) I sartinly 
need it, onless Vm goin to bed with my boots on. 

Hannah Peabody.- Dear me, Hiram, what a trial you are! 



31 

Hiram Peabody. (Pressing the bundles into the trunk) I'll show 
you how to jam them budgets in, jest like a hay-press. Say, 
Hannah, I wish you'd tell Dan to fetch in that rope, while 1 hoi' 
the kiver down. (Seats himself on the trunk. Exit Hannah Peabody 
to right. 'Enter Timoihy Casey from right, currying a piece of cake 
on a plate) Howdy do; Tim. . Been fryin' flapjacks? 

Timothy Casey. — Sure, Misther Paybody, it's a hunk av me 
widdin'-cake that 01 fetch to yez here. 

Hiram Peabody. — Seems like there 's nothin' but weddin's lately. 
Dan 's jest been spliced, an' so it goes. (Munching the piece of 
,wedding-cake ) That 's toler'ble good gingerbread, Tim, but when 
it comes right down to reg'lar feed, I'd ruther hev my pumpkin-pie. 
Howsomever, Tim, I'm much obleeged to you for rememberin' me. 

Enter at right Hannah and Daniel Peabody, the latter again 
'tressed in civilian's garb and carrying a coil of rope. 

Hannah Peabody. — Do hurry up, Hiram: we shall be late! 

Hiram Peabody. — I'm hurryin' jest as fast as I ken. 

As Timothy Casey proceeds to assist Hiram and Daniel Peabody 
to tie the rope around the trunk, enter at left Gilbert Fenmore, with 
riding-whip in hand, and followed by Parson Pilkins, Sarah Fen- 
more, Nellie Fenmore, now Mrs. Daniel Peabody, and Maggie Flynn, 
now Mrs. Timothy Casey. 

Gilbert Fenmore. — My team is ready to take you to the depot. 

Hiram Peabody. — All right, neighbor; in jest a jiffy. {To Pilkins) 
You're the very feller I wanted to see. 

Parson Pilkins. — Can I do anything for you? 

Hiram Peabody. — Not a thing, Parson. But when you was here 
at my place afore, I made some crusty remarks, bein' all r'iled up. 
You aint hoi din' no grudge, be you? 

Parson Pilkins.— Not the least. (They shake hands) 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, I'm glad of it; I don't want to leave 
any grudges behind. 

Parson Pilkins. — So you are going to leave us. 

Hiram Peabody. — Only for a trip up to Skowhegan — Hannah 
an' me — jest to see the ol' home place once more afore we die. ( To 
Hannah Peabody) Say, Hannah, did you think of them herbs? 
Pennyr'yal tea seem to help my rheumatiz consider'ble. 

Hannah Peabody. — Yes, Hiram, I put in everything. 



32 

Hiram Peabody.— (To Daniel Peabody) Say, Dan, don't feed 
them cows too much medder-hay while I'm gone; it 's mighty apt 
to give 'em colic an' blind-staggers. An' be kind o' scrimpin' on 
that hen feed t;ll prices come down a notch. 

Daniel Peabody. — Don't worry, pa; everything will go on just 
as though you were here. 

Hiram Peabody. — That's the talk, Dan! An' when your ol' 
daddy 's done with it, everything of his is goin' to be yourn. 

Gilbert Fenmore. — (Looking at his watch) Excuse me, but we 
have scant time to catch the train. 

Hiram Peabody. — Where 's the umbrel, Hannah? This muggy 
weather means rain, sartin sure. 

Hannah Peabody. — Dear me, we'll never get started! 

Exit Hannah Peabody hurriedly to the right, immediately return- 
ing with an umbrella. 

Mrs. Daniel Peabody. — Aren't you going to kiss me good-b}% 
papa Peabody? 

Hiram Peabody. — Woll, I don't keer if I do. (Loud osculation ) 
Hay, Hapnah, don't you want a kiss? Everything 's all right now, 
an' I'm feelin' young again. 

Hannah Peabody. — Don't be silly, Hiram! We'll miss the train. 

Hiram Peabody. — (Laughing wproarously ) Woll, I do feel power- 
ful frisky, that 's a fact. All aboard for Skowhegan! 

Exeunt to the left Daniel Peabody and Timothy Casey carrying 
the trunk, followed by Gilbert Fenmore, Hiram Peabody and Hannah 
Peabody, the latter two shaking hands with Mrs. Nellie Peabody. 
Sarah Fenmore and Parson Pilkins to a chorus of "Cood-bys." 

Parson Pilkins. — I wish you a pleasant visit, and an early return. 

Hiram Peabody. — We're comin' back again, Parson; you needn't 
worry 'bout that. 

Curtain falls. 



bindery 

1903 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

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